TikTok’s “that girl” has taken social media by storm. With a green juice in hand on her way to a spin class, she has come across everyone’s “for you page,” Pinterest board, or Instagram explore. This seemingly flawless and utterly productive way of life has become the new standard of living for younger generations. However, why has the “that girl” lifestyle become so sought after? And while “that girl” is always checking off all the tasks on her to-do list, is she happy?
According to Donna Freitas’ “The Happiness Effect,” social media has become a way for us to hide our true selves by “putting up a shield around our own vulnerability.” The “that girl” trend has created an unrealistic standard that people desperately want to reach. Rather than expressing one’s own self and creativity, it is easier mentally to shift into the image that is constantly presented online. Between this safety net of conformity and the brain naturally enjoying routine, one can easily slip into idealizing and seeking to become “that girl.”
Rather than expressing one’s own self and creativity, it is easier mentally to shift into the image that is constantly presented online.
Routines essentially make the brain’s job easier. In a blog post for the Therapy Group of NYC, Psychologist Brad Benner explained that routines tend to alleviate anxiety and prevent burnout. Anxiety and stress thrive when the brain is unaware of what comes next; therefore, the creation of a routine alleviates the pressure of the unknown. Furthermore, the brain needs time to relax. Just as muscles in the body can be overworked, the brain can be as well. Mental and emotional exhaustion are common among adults and can lead to serious mental and physical illness. Having a routine eases stress, therefore reducing the likelihood of burnout, as the brain will become assured that it will get time to relax. Routines that include mental relaxation will promote stronger mental and emotional health. Therefore, the “that girl” lifestyle appeals to the brain, since it is entirely composed of healthy habits in a structured routine.
In addition to this internal satisfaction, society is also consistently positively reinforcing this lifestyle. Freitas states that “We become good at hiding, we learn to excel at it, and society rewards us for the walls we’ve constructed with ‘likes’ and ‘shares’ and ‘retweets.’” By having this societal reward system in place, pretending to be someone you’re not is constantly reaffirmed. In a paper discussing Swann’s theory of self-verification, Psychologist Claude M. Steele and his team state that the level of one’s self esteem reflects the “self-image resources” available to them. Self-image resources are things (in this context validation from others) that affirm oneself and one’s actions, therefore raising self-esteem. Social media has created limitless self-image resources. Essentially, this causes people to become obsessed with maintaining a certain image, and when others see how happy they seemingly are, the cycle of changing to fit the character continues. Everybody wants to be “that girl.”
The appearance of having one’s life in perfect shape is often an act, as they are trying to convince not only others, but themselves, that they are happy.
When one effectively embodies the image and lifestyle of “that girl,” it is assumed that they would feel a level of satisfaction, as they reached their goal and are being supported by society. However, true happiness and peace within oneself is often yet to be achieved. Psychotherapist Seerut K. Chawla tweeted that “An overfixation on ‘inner work’ and wellness can be a complex system of controlling behaviors and emotional avoidance.” The appearance of having one’s life in perfect shape is often an act, as they are trying to convince not only others, but also themselves, that they are happy. So, while the “that girl” lifestyle seems to promise happiness, there is much more that lies behind those TikTok videos.
Psychologically, it is natural to become addicted to and reliant on social media for reinforcement. When one sees others looking happy, they will crave that state of joy. People then try so hard to present themselves in the same state of happiness, that what truly brings them peace and enjoyment is lost in the process.
Sources:
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1993). DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.64.6.885
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