“It wasn’t logic, it was love,” said Carrie Bradshaw, the main character of “Sex and the City.” after she took back the man who left her at the altar. In the show, Carrie is a columnist who writes about sex, love, and relationships, all while navigating her own and her friends’ experiences dating in the New York City of the 90s.
Love even has the power to build monuments from the ground up. The Taj Mahal, a landmark of undying love, was born as a product of total love and devotion. Shah Jahan, a 17th-century emperor of the Mughals, commissioned the building of the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife, Mumtaz Mahal, who passed away during childbirth. Jahan’s fierce devotion and fondness of Mahal inspired the construction of this $827 million Wonder of the World.
“Developing self-love has been shown to boost overall well-being, help us connect with others, and even live longer through helping us develop healthy habits.”
So, what is this all-consuming feeling that can even supersede logic? Love is a deep, intense feeling of affection for someone or something, and there is a debate as to whether or not love and attachment are synonymous. It is estimated that over 100 million songs about love have been recorded. The idea of “true love” is also hugely popular in movies and TV shows. A 2022 study by CBS News polled Americans to explore their views on this phenomenon. A whopping 86% of participants claimed they believed in true love, and 67% have admitted they have experienced it at least once in their lives.
But there isn’t just one type of love. A 2024 study investigated 6 different types of love and which brain areas show most activation during feelings of love. Most widely studied are romantic love, parental love, and love between friends: three forms of interpersonal love. A fourth, less popular type of interpersonal love is an appreciation of strangers around us. The study found that we can also experience interspecies love, the deep care we feel for our pets, and nonsocial love, our appreciation for the world around us. To simulate a feeling of love, participants were read a short story catering to each type of love. The following example aims to evoke maternal love:
“Your child runs to you joyful on a sunny meadow. You smile together and the sunrays flicker on their face. You feel love for your child.”
Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the researchers determined that all types of love lead to neural activity in the bilateral temporal lobe, a key structure for sensory processing, and the left prefrontal cortex, which plays a role in cognition and emotion. Interestingly, many of these love stories have caused deactivation in medial cortical areas, which are responsible for complex cognition, emotional regulation, self-awareness, and social behavior. This could potentially explain why Carrie feels that love doesn’t seem logical to her.
Neurofunctionally, romantic and parental love are the most similar with only parental love involving striatal and thalamic activation, regions for reward and sleep, respectively. The key brain structure for close interpersonal relationships seems to be the brainstem, as it was not significantly activated in the love for strangers category. The more intimate feelings of love (romantic, parental, and friend) were correlated with higher activity of the neural reward system as well. The authors concluded that love of nature was the most uniquely represented in terms of fMRI activity: increased activation of the fusiform gyrus, parahippocampal gyrus, and superior parietal lobe. The fusiform and parahippocampal gyrus are critical in processing or recognizing visual stimuli and spatial awareness. Our superior parietal lobe is important for movement and coordination, meaning that this type of love could potentially change the way we interact with our environments.
As a combination of feelings, actions, and choices, love continues to be widely studied by neuroscientists and psychologists alike. Further research is needed to explore the neurobiological basis of non-parental and non-romantic love. It is still a mystery as to whether the same neural circuitry encompasses all forms of love or whether another pathway is yet to be discovered. Even the definition of love continues to evolve, including whether love is a feeling or action, or even both.
“So, what is this all-consuming feeling that can even supersede logic?”
Though six types of love have been explored above, it is important not to forget the love we should all have for ourselves. Developing self-love has been shown to boost overall well-being, help us connect with others, and even live longer through helping us develop healthy habits.
A 2023 study claims the term “flourishing” as the optimal end of the “mental health continuum.” Flourishing extends upon our traditional idea of “well-being” and includes life satisfaction, achieving purpose in life, virtue, and taking care of oneself physically and mentally. There is a high correlation between self-love and flourishing, as well as a moderate correlation between flourishing and making meaningful connections with others. It is not yet confirmed whether a causal relationship exists between these variables, but it is clear that the more kindness and grace we give ourselves can contribute to a better quality of life.
Self-love looks different for everyone. It can include focusing on nutritional health, setting aside time to exercise, setting boundaries, spending time with friends and family, and letting yourself take a break. As Carrie said, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”
